Self Inflicted Scars and a Kiss
by SoWhatItsaPenName
Summary: Conrad angst a bit in the beginning. Conrad gets angry and cuts himself and Yuuri finds out. Slight ConradxYuuri. Last part, 'A Talk About the Cuts' is up!
1. SelfInflicted Scars and a Kiss

Hello! I'm back with another weird fic! This one was written amongst annoying little 3rd and 4th graders buzzing around me (Did they actually notice that it was ConradxYuuri?). Plus, I was in an angsty-mood after I learned that I had to attend a new school and all my friends are staying in the old one. (I sacrificed my summer vacation to those brats to go back to school and meet my friends just to learn that, hello- I'm not going to the same school) So, this might sound weird… (Nervous laugh)

Sorry for the rambling;;

NOTE: Boy's Love themes. And I don't own KKM. Wish I did… (Far eyes)

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Self-Inflicted Scars and a Kiss

By Tyath

Slash. A cut was made. Another slash. Another cut was made. It wasn't such a surprise that a man like him would have scars. After all, for a soldier like him, it was rather common to have scars. But these cuts were self-inflicted. With is pocket knife, he made cuts on his left arm. The cuts felt somewhat good. His pains were taken away, if not temporarily, at least. Maybe that was it. The physical pain he had eased his emotional pain.

Not a soul would notice his scars. He made sure of that. He always wore long-sleeved shirts and jackets. No one would see his brutally cut arms underneath those long sleeves. Not even his king. Especially not his king. He would not dare to make his king worry, even a bit.

He could not remember exactly when he had started cutting himself. He knew that it happened after Julia was gone. He had no reason to back then. Was it right after her death? What he knew was that he did this when he was in deep, deep, pain, after all. He had stopped for awhile when Yuuri came to this world, but tonight, the pain was too great to be only dealt with chanting of peace-spell in his mind.

Even his iron-hard smiling face had to come off sometime. It couldn't stay forever on his face. It was because of the promise he made. He was crying now, though. No use trying to keep that promise when he was alone. Most people would have been surprised if he cried, for no apparent reason. Or ones that they didn't know.

It was the dead of the night, and Conrad Weller was crying, cutting himself with his pocket knife. He was deeply, deeply, in pain.

He didn't know when the pain had started or how. But recently, it pained him to realize that Yuuri could never be his. Possessive? Possibly. It pained him that Yuuri could never possibly love him back, in the way Conrad had felt- loving him as a lover, neither as a guardian nor a mentor. It would be impossible.

The more he thought about it, the more he slipped into his own deadly marsh of thoughts. As the blood kept flowing out of his veins, he was there, with his blank expression that didn't yield a bit of his heart. His perhaps empty heart. He was so oblivious to his surroundings that he didn't even notice Yuuri had come into his doors. Why was Yuuri in Conrad's room at such a late hour? Yuuri had become a frequent visitor to Conrad's room at night. Whenever Yuuri felt uneasy before going to bed or had difficulty sleeping, he always visited Conrad.

"Conrad…" Yuuri whispered the brown-haired man's name. His black eyes reflected pain, confusion, and sadness.

Yuuri slowly walked across the room towards Conrad, who then noticed Yuuri's presence, breaking away from his blankness.

"Why?" Yuuri asked, worried.

"It's nothing. I'm okay." Conrad replied dryly, trying to cut Yuuri off. But seriously, you can't cut off a person that found you cutting yourself.

"No! You're not _okay_! What happened? What's wrong? Why did you cut yourself? _Tell me_!" Yuuri demanded to Conrad.

"…I…My emotion…pain.." Conrad barely whispered out the words.

"Why?"

"…"

"Please…Don't anymore… I don't want you to be in any pain…" Yuuri choked out the words, trying not to cry.

Then, Yuuri put his lips on conrad's scarred arms. When Yuuri lifted up his head, his lips were a little bloody with Conrad's blood.

"When I was hurt when I was little, my mom would always kiss my wounds like this to heal it faster." Yuuri smiled innocently as he told Conrad.

"Heika…" Conrad said faintly as he Yuuri sat on his lap.

"…Call me by my name Conrad… you named me." Yuuri said it in a bittersweet tone, like his smile, that he was smiling now.

"Yuuri…" Conrad whispered the young king's name. Still, the shock of the simple kiss didn't leave him. Did Yuuri feel the same ways as him? Or was it out of the naive belief hoping that his mentor healed faster?

"…Please don't do this to yourself anymore. Please don't do this to me… …It hurts for me to see you doing this to yourself. Please, Conrad…" Yuuri's words, rang through Conrad.

Conrad nodded his head and added a sincere "yes."

He didn't think he could deny the black-haired king. He smiled faintly, as Yuuri tightened his embrace.

Ever since then, no self- inflicted scars were ever seen on Conrad's body. Yuuri had made sure of it.

Whenever Conrad felt pained, he remembered the healing kiss.

And he didn't think he could cut himself ever again.

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HI! Thanks for reading it this far! I thank you for your patience! If it was weird, I'm sorry;;

Please give out constructive critisms, if you wish to.

I wrote this on paper originally and was looking for a perfect time to type this and today seemed to be right… After all, I'm going BTS on the 25th… TT…

AHHHHHH, by the way, the pop-ups in my comp aren't working… So I can't do anything about it…

Thanks to:

Kalili

Glitter Tramp

Raserei Hojo

koku-kirin

Jingle

RuByMoOn17

Rin-chan

For reviewing on the last2 fics… I got feedbacks!

So much ramblings;; Thanks!


	2. After Cuts

Hi! This is me after the tour (2 nights, 3 days tour of Yosemite-San Francisco)--… It sucked-you had to get up at 4 in the morning! And I used 2 dollars to use the internet there! It was worth it to read the reviews in my in-box! (That was 8 minutes for 2 dollars…TT…) well, taking Laurel's advice (Kinda) and extended my fanfiction with drabbles that I wrote in the tour bus (We spent latterly 8/10 of the tour on the damned bus (Not including hotels). AHHHHHHH sorry for the blabbing… now! To the super-short drabble!

A/N: Again. I do not own anything. --…

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After The Cuts- extending thoughts

A short while after Conrad's cut incident, Yuuri was back on Earth (well, he was in the bath and he got flushed down the bath). While watching T.V. (he didn't know why he was watching T.V. something on the back of his mind told him to), he just happned to cross a documentary on cutters and other self-destructive teens and adults. As far as Yuuri was concerned he watched the whole entire 2-hour documentary.

The main reason for the self-mutilations were in response to stress or trauma and they often did that to make them 'feel alive' because they often feel 'numb' others said that it made them forget their problems if not least for a while. Some did it to get attention or help. Some did that for the pure thrill of pain. Most of the cutters were women, between the age of 13 and 30, but there are much more cutters of every gender and every race, and every age group. While women are more open to talking about the reason why they are cutting, men are less likely to. They are not crazy, and they are not suicidal. But it could grow to suicide if not talked about. Bingo! He could talk with Conrad… it would take a long time, or he may refuse to, but it was worth a try, right?

Then, Yuuri's head was filled up with all the possibilities of whys and what ifs. His head was filled with thoughts of Conrad.

The next time Yuuri goes to Shin Makoku, he will have a long talk with Conrad.

… And maybe another excuse to kiss him will be there.

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Thanks for reading the super short drabble! Should I continue or should I not?

Constructive criticisms and reviews will be really welcomed!

P.S.: I did some research on self-mutilators and a little bit of my own exprience when I used to cut myself (not anymore...).


	3. A Talk About the Cuts

Hi! I finally wrote something to continue 'Self Inflicted…' Though it really doesn't make sense it really has a problem flowing…. It is readable… I think. I spent good part of the night not sleeping because little ideas kept popping up. The thing is I couldn't put it together… quite right.

Note: BL and some others. Like if you don't like ConradxYuuri, please avoid.

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-The Talk About the Cuts-

He stared at his old scars. Now all he had left was regret and hopeless love. Should he thank those scars or should he loathe them? In a way, he adored those scats which Yuuri had placed upon his lips. But those same scars brought up rather painful memories from past.

He felt like he was the only one holding onto past. He knew he was happy, but a part of him was always discontent. He desired something more. What he yearned for was always right within his reach, but he knew his light belonged to someone else. He knew he didn't deserve the innocent boy.

But today, he was too busy to just sit around and reflect upon it over and over again.

Later, that day, Yuuri arrived.

When Yuuri arrived at Jin Makoku, everybody greeted him with the same kind of love and kindness that he had grown fond of. And a towel, to dry himself. But most of all, he was eager to see Conrad.

"I'm back!" Yuuri greeted his mentor with a grin.

"Welcome back, Your Majesty," Conrad answered back with his trade mark smile.

"Hey! There's that Your Majesty again. Don't call me that!" Yuuri smiled as he told Conrad.

However, before Yuuri got to say anything else, Gunter explained to him that he had LOTS AND LOTS of other work that he had to finish.

When the day turned to night, and stars were shining outside Yuuri's office's window, he was finally done with all his work. He was eager to get out of his office and go straight to Conrad's room. Maybe it was a bit late, but he could care less. Besides, he had to do this when Wolfram wasn't awake. If Wolfram had seen this, he would make so much fuss out of it.

Conrad was surprised to hear a knock on his bedroom door at such a late time, but he guessed it was Yuuri and opened the door. No surprise. Yuuri was smiling lightly with serious eyes as he stood waiting outside Conrad's door.

"Conrad, if you don't mind, can we discuss some things?" Yuuri asked Conrad as calmly as he could. He was nervous. How could he word his question just right to ask him why he did such thing?

"I certainly don't mind," Conrad said as he smiled. "What do you want to disucuss about?"

"I was wondering if you can tell me why you cut yourself." Yuuri knew that it was such blunt way to state it, but it seemed like the most sensible and straight forward way.

For some strange reason, he knew it was coming. And maybe that was the reason he couldn't sleep today. Maybe he was expecting a long talk with his king.

"Well," Conrad smiled bitterly as he spoke. "There were several reasons. But maybe the reason I did it was… because of a heart break."

"But why? You know you can speak to someone about it. Conrad… You know you can always count me on to speak something if you're in pain… You can't do that again. And I know…You won't do that again. Right?" Yuuri spoke clearly, but there were some doubts to his voice. He was afraid of what might have happened if Yuuri didn't catch Conrad in the first place.

"Yuuri, I will speak to you about it in the future. And I promised you that I will never cut again. I never will," Conrad said in a calm tone.

"I'm so afraid… Conrad… That someday, you'll leave me alone. And that you'll never come back. Don't leave me alone." Yuuri confessed up his fears.

"I'll serve you forever. And that I'll promise you, without any doubts," Conrad pledged.

He kneeled down on the floor with one knee and kissed the young king's hand. The pale moonlight coming from outside the window illuminated Yuuri's face showed that it was slightly red.

"My heart will never cease to burn for you. If you told me that you needed me, I'll be there for you until the end. If you were in danger or got hurt, I'll protect you and get revenge for you. If you died, I'll follow." Conrad swore to his king. His only king.

"I will always need you even without words, please be with me until the end. If you get injured, I will always heal you. If you died, I'll be broken hearted and will mourn for you until the day I die." Yuuri whispered to his knight. His only knight.

It sounded like an empty promise, but they knew that they would try their best to keep it.

They fell asleep together that night, and for now it didn't matter to them. For now, they didn't care that when they woke up the next morning, Gunter will be screaming hysterically, Wolfram will throw a fit, and rumors will fly around the castle about the scandal that happened between the two.

For now, they felt the security of each other's warmth as they were asleep holding each other's hands.

-End-

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And it ended! Yay! Although it sucked! For the people actually read it until here! Wow! You guys have so much patience! Thanks for reading! For the people who wanted a continuation, I'm sorry that I didn't write it good…

As always, constructive criticisms and reviews will be really appreciated.

Thank you!


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